So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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