you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
