with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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