I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
