In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
