can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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