There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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