Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
pop tarts are not kleenex
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
