I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
