$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
