I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
