dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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