we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
