i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
