I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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