I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
