Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
