the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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