I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize