I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
