Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
