I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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