be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We smell like vodka and hangover
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
