god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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