is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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