Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
