So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
