my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
