Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Houston, we have a squirter
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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