one might say we're banned from that church
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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