Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
