So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
