I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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