I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
