The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
