I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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