I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
