Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
