I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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