We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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