The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
