She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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