so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
