is wine microwaveable?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize