My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
