I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
