you guys were way drunker than both of me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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