I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
