Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize