just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
