Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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