theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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