I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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