Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
