The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
