He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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