I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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