All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
