Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
handjob tips. give me some.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize