dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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