By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I need water and some morals
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
