She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
