Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
