If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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