Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
